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Fic: The Love Gods [1/?]

Title: The Love Gods [1/?]
Pairing: Puck/Kurt
Rating: PG-13
Summary: A newly reconciled Burt and Finn set about finding the one thing that will make their new family complete: a boyfriend for Kurt. 
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. The events within are entirely fictional. 
Warnings: Teeny bit of angst.
Word Count: 2430

“It’s just a room Finn! We can redecorate it if you want to!”
“Okay. Good. Well then the first thing that needs to go is that faggy lamp. And then, we need to get rid of this faggy couch blanket.”
Finn doesn’t know it, but it wasn’t only Kurt’s heart that he broke that night. 
Burt had been in the kitchen when the yelling started. It was so rare to hear Kurt raise his voice like that, and Burt had rushed downstairs to investigate, arriving just in time to hear the worst of Finn’s angry words. The look of devastation on his son’s face had smashed Burt’s heart into a million little pieces. It was worse than any anonymous phone call; worse than all the times he had comforted Kurt after a particularly rough day at school; worse, even, than the day Kurt told him about blowing the solo.  For the first time Burt realised how difficult it was going to be for Kurt to find real, lasting happiness, and how many heartbreaks he was likely to endure along the way. For the first time, he thought about Kurt’s future and saw pain, rather than success. 
It was obvious to anyone who saw them together that Kurt had a crush on Finn. Burt noticed it first in the way Kurt’s face lit up when Finn smiled at him; and then he couldn’t stop noticing it in the nervous hitch in Kurt’s voice whenever Finn complimented him. At first Burt had put it down to typical hero worship for the captain of the football team. He hadn’t worried. Most boys go through it at some point. When Burt was a freshman he’d carried Alex Draper’s books to and from math class every day for a year, just because the older boy held the school record for home runs. But Kurt, despite his brief stint as McKinley’s star kicker, didn’t give a damn about football, and, as much as Burt had respected Alex, he’d never written their initials inside hearts, like he caught Kurt doing once. On reflection, he should have spoken to Kurt about it sooner. The truth was, he had – still has – no idea how to start a conversation like that, and the last thing he wanted to do was to fuck it up and push Kurt even further away. So he left it alone, hoping that if Kurt needed to talk to someone, he would come to him. 
Kurt never did. Which left Burt feeling like even more of a failure than he already did. 
What Kurt did do was continue to push Burt and Carole together, until the whole thing blew up in his face. It hurts Burt to think that his relationship with Carole was only a ploy for Kurt to get closer to Finn, but Burt figures that the realisation of what a fool he’d been, coupled with his falling out with Finn, was punishment enough for Kurt. So Burt had offered what comfort he could, helping Kurt to dismantle the room he’d constructed for he and Finn to share and watching The Wizard of Oz with him whilst Kurt pretended not to cry. He never chastised him for his deceitfulness, never told him how much Kurt had hurt him. 
Less than a week passed before Kurt called him from school to tell him about Finn’s great defence of Kurt, red rubber dress and all. Burt felt a weight lift off his shoulders, not just from the lightness in Kurt’s voice as he explained how the whole Glee club had backed Finn up, but also from the calm way Kurt informed him of his determination to put the whole mess behind him and move on. Burt knew he’d do it as well. Kurt was as stubborn as he was smart. Now that he could see that he truly had no chance with Finn, he wouldn’t allow himself to wallow in self-pity for too long. When Finn showed up at the garage – still wearing the dress – to apologise to Burt, the elder Hummel knew that everything was going to be okay. Finn and Carole moved back in the very next day, with Finn taking the guest room until the addition was completed, and Burt, at least, couldn’t be happier. Wednesday night has now been designated Hudson-Hummel Bonding Night for the whole family. So far they’ve gone bowling (Carole slaughtered them), eaten out at the local Chinese restaurant (Finn nearly poked himself in the eye with his own chopsticks) and attempted to make their own sushi (resulting in the great Wasabi Debate of 2010). Burt makes sure that for every game he watches with Finn, he does something with Kurt, whether it’s watching a sappy movie or talking about Glee. So far, everything seems to be going swimmingly. 
The only real problem is that, try as he might, Burt still can’t talk to Kurt the way he’d like to. He wants them to be close. He wants to talk to Kurt about guys the way he talks about girls with Finn. He wants to hear all about Kurt’s first date, even if it does make him want to curl up in a ball and wonder where his little boy went. He wants to tease Kurt’s first boyfriend for being totally smitten, and have that boy look at him with just the right balance of respect and fear. He wants it, but he has no idea how to get it. 
Surprisingly, the one person who really understands is Finn. That day at the garage Finn had opened up to him about how confusing he found Kurt sometimes. Finn didn’t care that Kurt was gay, but he had no idea what difference that should make in how Finn treats him, or if it should make a difference at all. Burt has to laugh when Finn mentions never knowing whether to treat Kurt like the girl he so often acts like, or the boy he ultimately is, having faced the same dilemma himself many times over the years. Eventually they’d arrived at the less than satisfying conclusion that it was best to let Kurt’s behaviour be your guide. The teen had spoken at length about his inexperience when it came to gay people, and how badly he wanted to open and accepting of Kurt, no matter what. It’s clear that Finn has a great degree of brotherly affection for the younger boy, and it put Burt’s heart at ease slightly to know that, whilst Kurt might still get picked on at school, he now has friends who will stick up for him and cheer him up and remind him of just how amazing he is. It’s something Burt longs to do himself, if Kurt would only let him. 
“That’s absurd!” Finn cries, hurling his tortilla chip at the screen in a fit of anger. “He was clearly home!” 
Burt nods, cursing as Grady Sizemore flies out to left field, ending all hopes of a late rally for the Indians. 
Kurt looks up from filing his nails to remark on the outfits of a couple of people in the crowd, and Finn laughs. It’s Thursday night, and Carole is out with some girlfriends, so Kurt reluctantly agreed to be part of Finn and Burt’s boy’s night in, on the condition that they order slim crust pizza and diet soda. 
“You boys got any plans for tomorrow?” Burt asks. 
Kurt immediately starts gathering together the empty pizza boxes in an obvious attempt to avoid answering the question. 
“I’ve got a date with Rachel,” Finn says brightly, a dopey smile spreading across his face at the thought of his girlfriend. 
Kurt sighs. 
“Everything okay, Kurt?” Burt asks, concerned. 
“I’m fine,” Kurt replies softly. “It’s just…Finn’s got a date, you and Carole have a date, Mercedes has a date, even Rachel Berry has a date. And me? I’m going to stay home and watch Wilde for the hundredth time and eat an unhealthy amount of popcorn.” He smiles sadly as he collects Burt’s plate and disappears into the kitchen. 
“Man,” Finn mutters. “It must really suck to be Kurt sometimes.” 
Burt looks at him, clearly expecting further elaboration. 
“I mean, let’s say I wasn’t dating Rachel,” Finn explains. “I could go on a date with another girl, and if the date sucked then I’d just find another girl to date. Kurt can’t do that. He’s a great guy and he can’t even get a date because there are no other gay kids in Lima.”
Burt nods. “It’s tough, no doubt about that.” 
“I just wish he could go on one date, you know,” Finn adds. “Even if it’s not the best date in the world.” 
“It’s not likely to happen any time soon,” Burt grumbles, though part of him wants to go and start polishing his gun at the mere thought of Kurt going out on a date. “Poor kid’ll probably have to wait until college.” His stomach lurches unpleasantly at the thought of Kurt packing up his things and moving across the country. 
“That’s so unfair,” Finn sighs. “There must be other gay kids in Lima. The town isn’t that small, surely?”
“Statistically, you’re probably right. They just don’t have the balls to admit it, like Kurt does,” Burt replies. 
Finn’s eyes light up, and he turns to Burt with a wide grin. “We should find one!” 
“Find a what?”
“Another gay kid. Then he can take Kurt out on a date. Who knows, we might even be able to get Kurt a boyfriend!” 
Burt laughs, assuming that Finn is joking. He stops laughing when the quarterback continues to smile encouragingly. 
“Woah,” Burt says, holding his hands up. “Do you really think that’s a good idea?”
“Yeah,” Finn says eagerly. “I’m pretty sure Kurt wants a boyfriend, but he’s kind of shy about things like that so he probably wouldn’t go out looking for one for himself. We’ll just give him a push in the right direction.”
“And what exactly is the right direction?” Burt asks, not because he’s planning on agreeing to this absurd plan, more out of curiosity. “I thought you said you didn’t know any other gay kids.” 
“I don’t,” Finn affirms. “But like I said, we can find one.”
“One that would like Kurt?” 
“Who wouldn’t like Kurt?” Finn replies, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. “He’s awesome. And kinda pretty and stuff, you know, for a guy. Plus he has a great voice, he’s kind, and smart, and he kicks like an MVP. Dude’s like, the perfect package.” 
Finn’s earnest praise of Kurt, and his desire to help the other boy out, is what sways Burt. He wants to see Kurt happy too, and if this is what it’s going to take, well, he’s willing to give it a go. 
“That’s true. But how can we be sure that Kurt would like the guy we find? Assuming we can find one at all.” 
“We’ll have to make a list of what Kurt likes in a guy and then try to find one that fits,” Finn suggests. 
“Do you have any idea what he likes in a guy?” Burt asks sceptically. 
“Well, no,” Finn admits. “But I’m sure we could think of something.” 
A contemplative silence descends on the room. “He seems to enjoy hanging out at the garage,” Burt offers. “But I’m not sure if that’s because he likes the cars or the guys.” 
“Are there any hot mechanics at your garage?” Finn asks, flushing at the realisation that he’s just said the phrase ‘hot mechanic’ to Burt Hummel. 
“I don’t know,” Burt replies. “I don’t know what counts as a ‘hot’ anything when it comes to guys.” 
“Me neither,” Finn replies, frowning. “But it’s not really about what we think is hot. It’s about what Kurt likes. One of us must have noticed something that would tell us what kind of guys he’s into.” 
Silence again. 
“Jocks,” they both say simultaneously, and wow, Finn didn’t think this situation could get any more awkward and yet it somehow managed to. He’s gone from watching the game and cracking a few jokes to discussing the hotness quota of jocks with the man whose son used to have a flaming crush on him, all in the space of about half an hour. 
It’s times like this that he longs for his infinitely simpler, pre-Glee life. 
“Hey,” Burt says, breaking the silence. “Aren’t there a couple of other football players in Glee club?”
“Yeah,” Finn says warily, not liking where this is going. He tries to picture Kurt on the arm of Mike or Matt, or even worse, Puck. No. No way. Totally not going to happen. 
Except that it kind of makes sense. At least Kurt has spoken to them before, and they’ve already gotten to know each other beyond the stereotypes. Plus, Finn is willing to bet that an appreciation of music is pretty high on Kurt’s must-have list for a potential boyfriend. 
If Finn is honest, Mike Chang seems like the most likely option. He is single at the moment, he’s kind of thin, like Kurt, and Finn has seen him teaching Kurt some dance moves before, so at least they have some common ground to start from. Finn has no idea if Mike would even consider dating another dude, but it’s not like he’s ever explicitly said he wouldn’t, so he figures it’s worth a shot. 
The question is, how do they get him to fall for Kurt without it being obvious?
“Okay,” Burt says eventually. “Here’s what I think we should do. You need to invite your football/Glee buddies round here for the evening so we can decide which one is best for Kurt.” There’s a protective note to his voice that makes Finn simultaneously grin and wish that he had a dad who looked out for him the same way. He doesn’t envy the guy they end up selecting; they are going to get a serious grilling from Burt before Mr Hummel will let him anywhere near his son. He only hopes Mike is up to the challenge. 
“Sounds good,” Finn replies. “I’ll talk to the guys tomorrow, see if they’re free next week?”
“Right. Oh, and Finn? It goes without saying that Kurt cannot, under any circumstances, find out about this,” Burt says seriously.
“Absolutely,” Finn replies sincerely, nodding. He’s smart enough to know that Kurt would murder them both if he found out they were trying to set him up, regardless of how good their intentions may be. 


( 48 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 16th, 2010 03:26 pm (UTC)
Oh the best of intentions :D
Aug. 18th, 2010 02:55 am (UTC)
So many things that could go wrong, so little time...
Aug. 16th, 2010 03:49 pm (UTC)
Bravo! More! It reminds me of one of those 30s screwball comedies, or a drawing room farce. The infinite ways that it could all blow up in their faces!
Aug. 18th, 2010 02:56 am (UTC)
Thanks so much! And I have massive amounts of squishy love for your icon! :D
May. 15th, 2011 10:54 pm (UTC)
sorry for comment jacking, but your icon is epicwin.~
Aug. 16th, 2010 04:19 pm (UTC)
“We should find one!”

“Find a what?”

“Another gay kid...

This made me giggle - and now I can't wait for the next part.
Aug. 18th, 2010 02:57 am (UTC)
This made me giggle

Yay! Then my work here is done. :)

Glad you liked it.
Aug. 16th, 2010 04:23 pm (UTC)
I love this so far!!! Can't wait for more :D
Aug. 18th, 2010 02:58 am (UTC)
Aug. 16th, 2010 04:32 pm (UTC)
I LOVE THIS. The thought of Burt and Finn being matchmakers for Kurt is hilarious (especially the awkward, trying-to-figure-out-Kurt's-type bit).

Can't wait for more! *flails*
Aug. 18th, 2010 02:59 am (UTC)
Thanks hun! We see so much of Burt being overprotective and not liking Kurt having a boyfriend, I thought it would be fun to try something different. And I think Finn and Burt are just grazing the tip of the awkward conversation iceberg here. ;)
Aug. 16th, 2010 06:36 pm (UTC)
This is brajillant. Had me giggling more than once. Fantastical job. Can't wait for more.
Aug. 18th, 2010 02:59 am (UTC)
Yay! I'm glad you liked it.
Aug. 16th, 2010 06:50 pm (UTC)
Yay!!! A fic that seems like it's going to have copious amounts of Burt, matchmaking funness and will also be a Puck/Kurt story. I think I love you. Can we have some more soon please?
Aug. 18th, 2010 03:01 am (UTC)
Oh yes, copious amounts of Burt is a given. He's too good a character to waste.

More should be up pretty soon.

*sends lots of love back at you*
Aug. 16th, 2010 07:35 pm (UTC)
Oh the places good intentions lead to. hehe. Can't wait for the next part. This is gonna be awesome!
Aug. 18th, 2010 03:02 am (UTC)
This is gonna be awesome!

I hope so! Thanks for the support.
Aug. 16th, 2010 08:22 pm (UTC)
I am really loving this one. I love the fact Burt and Finn want to help Kurt find a boyfriend and I cannot wait for more and to see all the fun that will come from this :)
Aug. 18th, 2010 03:03 am (UTC)
Thanks, hun. As much as I love Finn-Kurt angst, I like the idea of the Hudson-Hummels being one big happy family, and that Finn just wants to see his new little brother get a little love for once.
Aug. 16th, 2010 08:57 pm (UTC)
This is so genius I can't even begin to describe it. What a fantastic idea, having Burt and Finn team up. I can forsee much hilarity and Kurt just going wtf a large amount of times! Great start, I'm excited for more!
Aug. 18th, 2010 03:04 am (UTC)
Thank you! I hope the rest of the fic lives up to your expectations.

Aug. 16th, 2010 10:15 pm (UTC)
Oh, this has all the makings of a hilarious and wonderful Glee story.
Aug. 18th, 2010 03:04 am (UTC)
this has all the makings of a hilarious and wonderful Glee story.

Thanks! I hope it becomes one.
Aug. 16th, 2010 10:27 pm (UTC)
Oh dear. This can not end well
Aug. 18th, 2010 03:05 am (UTC)
Aug. 16th, 2010 11:16 pm (UTC)
Oh I like this story a lot. Please continue
Aug. 18th, 2010 03:05 am (UTC)
I'm continuing right now! Hopefully I'll have some more to post very soon.
Aug. 16th, 2010 11:58 pm (UTC)
OHGOODNESS!!! i am in severe need of more story, this is just something completely awesome and new :D
You are an excellent human being XD
Aug. 18th, 2010 03:05 am (UTC)
You are an excellent human being


Why thank you! I'm so pleased that you enjoyed it.

Aug. 17th, 2010 12:02 am (UTC)
Hee, this is so much fun. "Hot mechanicns" XD
Aug. 18th, 2010 03:06 am (UTC)
Glad you liked it. There's plenty more fun to come. :)
Aug. 17th, 2010 01:52 am (UTC)
this is off to a great start. i love this burt/finn bonding. and their conversations are hilarious. can't wait for more!
Aug. 18th, 2010 03:06 am (UTC)
Aug. 17th, 2010 05:08 am (UTC)
1. Oh yay! You're back!!!
2. “Are there any hot mechanics at your garage?”
3. 'nough said!
Aug. 18th, 2010 03:07 am (UTC)
Glad you liked it. :)
Aug. 17th, 2010 06:12 am (UTC)
Epicness. And this is such a FINN thing to do...
Aug. 18th, 2010 03:07 am (UTC)
It does seem like the kind of hopelessly optimistic thing he would try and pull off, doesn't it? :P
Aug. 17th, 2010 08:36 am (UTC)
Oh my god, this is absolutely lovely. :) I actually got a bit teary eyed at the beginning, and I couldn't stop smiling during the rest of it. Definitely looking forward to reading more! ♥
Aug. 18th, 2010 03:08 am (UTC)
Thank you so much. I hope the combination of heavy stuff at the beginning and lightness at the end wasn't too jarring?
Aug. 18th, 2010 04:21 am (UTC)
Nope, not too jarring. :) I found it flowed pretty well, so no need to worry! <3
Aug. 17th, 2010 09:31 am (UTC)
OH MY FUCKING GOD. i absolutely LOVE this beginning, and how you have Mr Hummel and Finn plotting and scheming on Kurt's behalf! it's awesome. plus it doesn't hurt that your writing is AMAZING. can't wait for the next installment!!!
Aug. 18th, 2010 03:08 am (UTC)
plus it doesn't hurt that your writing is AMAZING.

Wow. Thank you so much. That's such a lovely thing to say. I'm truly flattered.
Aug. 17th, 2010 10:11 am (UTC)
That has got to be one of the sweetest, most adorable, funniest and most-likely-to-blow-in-your-face plan ever! Burt and Finn have got to be two of the most unlikely characters searching for romance for Kurt. I totally love the idea, which is both refreshing and novel. I love how you incorporated all those heavy emotions in a very light manner, maintaining the humorous tone all through out. So looking forward to how this plan works for all those involved! :D
Aug. 18th, 2010 03:09 am (UTC)
Thank you for the lovely comment and your enthusiasm about where the fic is going. I hope I can do the original idea justice. :)

Thanks for reading!
Aug. 17th, 2010 11:16 am (UTC)
Gawd. The summary made me laugh so HARD. IDK why but yeah.

I cannot wait for Kurt's reaction... or how these two Completely Straight Bumbling Matchmakers hook up Kurt with anyone gay. I'm so excited!
Aug. 18th, 2010 03:10 am (UTC)
Bumbling is the right word. Bless them, they are trying though!


Aug. 18th, 2010 01:54 pm (UTC)
I really liked this fic! The idea of Burt and Finn conspiring to be matchmakers is very cute. They are both so protective of him, and I can tell that they want the best for him. It is so funny to read the monologue and see how they are toeing the line between wanting Kurt to be happy and not wanting to think about Kurt having sexy times with another boy. :) Typical father and big brother, eh?

I can't wait for the next part. I have a feeling this evening with the boys at the Hummel house is going to be funny. :D
Aug. 18th, 2010 07:52 pm (UTC)
Finn and Burt talking about "hot" mechanics and jocks made me laugh so hard. This is great. Can't wait for more. (:
( 48 comments — Leave a comment )